Shooting the $hit

Look - I just turned 5

So the Olympics are finally underway and now we all have the pleasure of watching 24hour non stop coverage of…commercials. I have never seen this many commercials in my life. The U.S must love the fact that the Olympics are being held in China; with their 12 hour time gain they get to show us chopped up reruns and plug-in about 30minutes of commercials in 1 hour of coverage.  The only way I can watch these Olympics is by TiVOing them, otherwise I may actually find myself buying the scintillating and sexy Sean John cologne. P.Diddy says that if I buy his cologne “I will be a baller and every Nubian princess will be mine”, I’m starting to believe him.

Sorry for the rant but I just wanted to convey how much I hate commercials. Tonight I decided to watch the live feed of the women’s gymnastics at 12:00 EST, way past my bed time. This was the first time I made the plunge into the live broadcast. Generally, I am no fan of gymnastics and was hoping NBC would televise table tennis but I was not that lucky.  According to the IOC, all athletes must be at least 16 years of age. The U.S team seems to be of age except Shaun Johnson, who is about 6 inches shorter than her 5′ colleagues. So the U.S women’s team does their floor routine and they jump on the horse and swing on the monkey bars, making detrimental mistakes at every turn and falling ever so gracefully. When the Americans were done doing their thing the Chinese, who were the favorites, rolled in on their strollers and put the U.S away.

There has been a lot of talk about the Chinese manipulating their athlete’s credentials to win gold. It must be hard for these kids, they are literally removed from their home environment and placed in Olympic sweat shops where they  have been practicing 18 hours a day for the past 4 years. Once they are done practicing the 10 year old girls now have to pretend to be 16. When I saw the Chinese gymnastics team for the first time I thought they were part of a lost group of 10 years olds going to a gymnastics birthday party. These girls literally look like they are 10. I understand that Asians age gracefully and they have great skin which makes them look younger than they really are; but this is a little absurd.

I swear I'm 16

There is one girl in particular, Yang Yilin, who has peaked my interest. She doesn’t look a day over 14. When you check out the bio’s on these girls they are all exactly 16 years old and were born within 2 months of each other…very plausible. Then there is Deng Linlin, she is 4′6″ and weighs 68 pounds! I have never seen a 4′6″ 16 year old in my life, except for the occasional midget, that is f’in tiny. Whenever the cameras panned in on her face she reluctantly smiled; now I know why…it’s because she just lost her first baby tooth and shes got a nice gap in her grill. 5 out of the 6 girls are under 4′9″, I am not saying that height dictates age but it is precursor to actually believing that you had your growth spurt.

Even Bela Karolyi, the most revered coach in gymnastics history, is claiming that China is trying to pull a fast one, “We are in the business of gymnastics and we know what a kid of 14 or 15 or 16 looks like. You don’t have to be a gymnastics coach to know what they look like at 16.” He is spot on, we aren’t dumb and these girls ain’t 16. I doubt they have even gotten their period yet, maybe they are men. I understand that many Chinese women are small and dainty but 4′6″ is small even for a 13 year old.  It isn’t that hard to prove their age, all the IOC requires is their passports; I don’t think China would have a problem breaking the law as long as they win gold. Does anyone else agree with me????

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