Shooting the $hit

Oh you don’t know what “TWD” is? Well, if you have an iphone, BlackBerry or any phone for that matter you are more than likely to be guilty of “Texting While Driving.” TWD is an unstoppable pandemic that has taken the world by storm, one cell phone at a time. TWD is even worse than talking on your cell while driving; at least while talking you still attempt to pay attention to the road and your surroundings, but TWD takes your eyes off of the road and leaves you vulnerable.>
Vulnerable to what you ask? Well, here in South Florida there is a large Haitian population. Many do not have enough money for insurance and have this incestuous habit of driving 10 MPH UNDER the speed limit. It has been said that a few Haitian drivers deliberately single out TWDers and force an accident. Their modus operandi is to stop short and cause you to rear end them. They know that you were not paying attention and are completely oblivious to your surroundings. What excuse can you come up with? Rear ending someone is always your fault.  And then? And then you have to settle outside of your insurance and pay them cash, which fucking blows.

If you live in Wisconsin and you don’t have to worry about Haitians you still have to worry about crashing your damn car. I am one of those people that keeps on doing something until they either, A. are so scared shit less they cringe at the thought of said action or B. are realizing it is unnecessarily costing them money, i.e my $10,000 a week heroine habit. In this instance reason A is what has stopped me from TWD. I have a fiance and we are constantly texting back and forth. When I TWD, I literally take my hands off the wheel, my eyes off the road and steer with my knees. About a week ago I was thumbs deep in a barrage of texts while on the way to work. I was in the middle of ” u r the gr8est :]” when I hit a huge pothole, unseen of course, causing my knee to jerk the wheel to the right and come millimeters away from the car in the adjacent lane. I was so rattled by the thought of crashing that I turned the phone off and just threw it on the floor in disgust. I have been clean for the past 5 days and 12 hours, now the thought of TWDing is so nauseating that I literally throw up in my mouth a little bit just thinking about it.

Now I know that I am not the only one that has had an experience like that. I am sure plenty of you have survived worse encounters while TWDing. So now that I don’t TWD anymore I have noticed that I do something else, I text while walking (TWW). TWW is even more common than TWD and in cities like New York and L.A you are guaranteed to see someone walking down the street , head down, texting with one hand and the other outstretched acting as a type of radar for unidentified approaching objects. There have been so many reported TWW related accidents that the Wall Street Journal decided to write an article about it. This $hit is serious, people get hurt on a daily basis most of them with minor damage to their face. The current situation with TWW, or “Texting on the Go” as the WSJ calls it, is so pressing that the state of Illinois has enacted a ban to stop TWW. How the hell can the government outlaw texting while walking? Actually I think I saw that as one of the plethora of issues Senator Obama has vowed to take action upon, not only in his home state of Illinois but across the nation. Yay Obama!!!

In London, England special padded light post covers have been added to prevent injury to careless texters.   Isn’t that genius, damn those Brits are smart.

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